Today, when me and Bo were drinking up a storm (sorry baby, it was for his wife's birthday), he pulled me outside, sat me down and told me to listen up. Usually, since I knew a lecture was coming, I would tell whoever I was talking with to piss off, but I didn't this time. He told me about how he had ran away at the age of fifteen, and how he decided he would live life on his own. He told me about the successes and losses of his fishing days; spending months at a time on the ocean. He told me about his dreams, his sweethearts, and how he often ended up wasting his whole paycheck at the titty bars and never got so much as a single blowjob in return.


Then he started givin me the facts. The fact that way back when he was a young fucker, that he didn't even need a high school diploma to get a steady paycheck. The fact that at the time, metrics were the big shit, but now you can't get anywhere without decent computer knowledge. And the fact that he knew how literate I am with computers; since he heard Brian talk about me all the time.


I was worried that he knew about my.. occasional cracking experiences (which I found out about an hour or so later that he did..), and that he was going to downsize me about how wrong it is, like so many other people do. But no, instead, he encouraged me. He told me that he'd be honest, there isn't any chance in hell that i'd create a new computer and be the next Bill Gates, but said that I can still work at IBM or Microsoft and get payed more in a month then he does in a year. And he's right, for once. I never gave Bo the credit he deserved; I figured he was just another drunk that happened to get a manager position working at Long John Silver's. But like I said, I was dead wrong.


And after a few more in-depth conversations on the subject, it hit me like a ton of fucking gold bricks (thanks to him): I have to go back to school. I will never be at the top of my class in anything, thanks to my fucked up mental disorders (or whatever you call them), but I still have to give it my all- even if i'll never get rid of my southern.. tendancies. I may always be a cold-hearted murderer (at times), but I might as well be one that has a good job. And I don't think i'm really cut out for the street life anymore. I'll always have the fighting spirit, but i'm trying to avoid that side of me.


And shit.. I have way too many mental problems (not that it's important or anything). It's so ironic, though. I used to look at people with disorders and think how much better I was, but it's so fucking obvious now. I guess I was just trying to hide the truth. But I guess it is a little funny.. All the little fuckers that said I was stupid in math class were right- I am! Hehe such irony..


To the lone wolf: I understand completely. We all have feelings of hatred (well, I do, anyway). But go easy on the guy. He's only human, right?

Wholf at 11:44 PM