It's 2:40 a.m. at the time of writing this, and I haven't accomplished anything I set out to do at 7:00 p.m. today--er, yesterday. I've been blasting Aerith's Theme for about 3 hours straight, repeating the melody from which I draw my life source. I had a friend download some Final Fantasy sheet music for me (guess which song), and he's working on transferring it from piano to guitar--which isn't doing much good to me since I can't read music (funny how it's just occurring to me how stupid the idea was). Anyway, let's hope we can make the transfer acceptable--lord knows that Beth doesn't sound as good.


Shit I have to go to bed; I have to get up at 4:00. Heh, I doubt that counts for the apropriate ammount of sleep. And staying up like this sure as fuck ain't helpin my "depression", as those psychos at the shrink's office call it. Fuck them up the royal ass. I don't need them to tell me how to live my life.


Anyway, i've been sorting through my emotions lately; trying to make sense of my feelings. She likes someone else. And she doesn't like me, either. She does like me, but it just ain't happenin. And then she doesn't like me, either. Fuck it. What does a dude have to do to get a woman nowadays? Everybody fuckin leads you on, and then decides to fall over some Fabio-wannabe. Same shit every fuckin time. And this time my music ain't helpin any. I can't stand to pick up my guitar (the flashbacks are a fuckin pain in the ass), but any other guitar just doesn't sound as good. Crying over a fuckin guitar. How fuckin pathetic. I can't believe I sunk to this level. Maybe i'll end up like a white Curtis Lowe. Been there before; ain't afraid to go there again.


Good night to all. Godspeed to those of you that need it; you know who you are. Of course, you probably don't. Dontcha just hate it when people say that and you ain't sure if it's you or not? Fuckin a, man, fuckin a.

Wholf at 12:42 AM