Hey, it's been a while. I've been staying out--helping the family,
working out a little, trying to play get back in the guitar mood
(basically trying to have a life off of the computer again)--so I haven't
been on much lately. Anyway, I've had alot of fun recently. It was my
birthday, and my mom and grandparents REALLY went all out on this one. I
had a chocolate cake, some boxes of pocky *drool*, a little Princess Leia
thing *major DROOL*, $20, a Fantastic 4 game that hooks into the tv with
the little color cords, and the best part of all... is...


A NEW BIBLE!!!!!!!!

Sorry hehe.. But it is cool! It's a teen/student Bible that has all these
little tidbits in them, like "Tips on Becoming a Faithful Man" and stuff!
I SO have to make it up to her. I think I'm going to buy her flowers for
her birthday. But not the plastic little things that I usually get from
Walmart, I'm goin to buy her REAL FRICKIN ROSES! That's right, the $30
ones that you can only get in those big-city flower places. I might have
to get Brian to help me pick some out for her, since I really don't even
get why they like them so much (which means that I obviously don't know
what type to get).. Hmm.. This'll be interesting. ^_^


I gotta go to the cat scan people at 9 a.m., and I ain't looking forward
to that.. I think they're gonna draw blood again, and I hope it's easier
then it usually is.


Anyway, X Japan is calling me. ^_^ Bye!



Wow.. I'm very giddy right now. XD

Wholf at 1:29 AM

Heh. Different people, same things. It's kinda weird, to step back for a second and look at the world through their eyes. Of course, half of the world is still stuck on the "depressed teenager" mode, no matter how old that fad has gotten. It must be the "in" thing, I spose. That's why Meat Loaf woulda changed his mind right about now.


I was watching the "Life After Death" music video by KJ-52 (yes, I did buy the whole CD mainly so I could watch the MVs on the 2nd disc. It was amazing. It really captured the energy and seriousness of the situation goin on. I may not be the most emotionally mature person in the world, but i'll admit it, I was cryin by the end of it. He did an amazing job at keeping the "hard rock" feel to it, even if, no doubt, it keeps to the rap roots.


I can't say much like I usually do. No ramblings about how sad I am, no complaining to do here. I'm glad, I remember how lucky I have it. And everytime I say that, it somehow ends up getting someone mad. Well, you know where to get it. And without further ado, here's the lyrics for "Life After Death" (i'm puttin them all up; I don't think the chorus does the whole thing justice):



"Life After Death"

I rolled out of bed as the alarm started going off
rubbed my head with my arm it was the crack of dawn
I'm late for work and I really just hate my job
I kissed my wife goodbye then I walked across the lawn
Got the car out of the driveway and I'm riding on the road past the mall past the highway I'm flying on
But it slows to a crawl because some guy was just driving wrong
And I'm getting mad because I wonder why it's going on
Get out of the way I just scream as I'm driving on
I hate my day and this way that it's starting off
I change lanes and I thought I was pulling on to
The main lane but just then I saw this green honda
It straight came next thing it was the window shattered
Felt a great pain my body being bruised and battered
It all changed went black and I knew I'd had it
I coughed blood I breathed my last breath that was it

Chorus:
What ya gonna do when ya when there's no time left
What ya gonna do when you take the last step?
What ya gonna do when ya breathe your last breath
Out ya chest and ya find out there's life after death?

Next thing I know everything it just gets real quiet.
I open my eyes to my suprise now it's real silent
I realize I've died now it's my judgement
I'm standing before the Most Hight now and all of sudden
He said to me why should I let you into my heaven?
I told God well really I'm a good person
He showed my life and all the times now that I was sinning
Every line to every curse to every bad decision
From every lie to every word there was nothing hidden
He showed how Christ died and with my life that I'd killed him
He showed time after time how I'd reject him
I never cared about the sacrifice God had given
I never cared about my life or the way that I'd lived it.
And now I've died and it's too late to be forgiven
Guilty of my crime I'm sentenced to eternal prison
It's dark I'm alone I feel my flesh burning

Chorus

I got out of bed as the alarm started going off
Scratched my head and then I yawned it was the crack of dawn
I'm praying and I'm thanking God I got my job
I kissed my wife goodbye then I walked across the lawn
Got in the car out of the driveway and I'm riding on
The road by mall past the highway that I'm driving on
It slows to crawl because some guy was driving wrong
But I'm not mad I just wonder why it's just going on
I use the time to pray for my family now and for my mom
I'm thanking God for the way my day is strarting off
I change lanes and I thought I was pulling on to
The main lane but doesn't that guy see my green honda
He straight came next thing it was the window shattered
Felt a great pain my body being bruised and battered
It all changed went black and then I knew I'd had it
I coughed blood I breathed my last breath that was it

Chorus

Wholf at 10:24 PM

Alright, today was a mess--a REAL mess. I had to walk my uncle through getting rid of spyware--over the phone, which ain't easy to do. And I got drunk again today, DRUNK drunk, while listenin to Garth Brooks (good times, eh?) on permanent repeat. And Kristin? How the fuck can "Garth" be a fenemin name?! Them's fightin words right there, dumbass. Heh.


Everything's spiraling out of control again, but I think I can avoid the worst part, since I (finally) know the cause. And now that I do, I have to laugh. Knowing all the harm it's caused over the years, and knowing all of the emotional scars it's left, I still have to laugh. Go figure. I never figured it'd happen, but fuck it. It's over--kinda. I still have some things to sort through, as always, but I feel kinda good. Of course, it could be the music (we all got friends in low places, when you think about it) in me. I'm still workin on the drum solo for it (damn straight, I decided it could use one), but I think it's a little insulting to Garth and the music to alter the song that much..


I think i'm goin to go to bed, i've had too much to drink. It's never really occured to me until now, but it's fuckin illegal as hell for me to have this shit. Go figure. But it is in good spirits; I usually only drink because i'm pissed and need to vent (and lord knows the only time me OR Jay are willin to vent/listen for each other are when we're drunk). It's kind of sad; the musical tastes I have. When i'm mad, I can headbang along to Youth Gone Wild, or dance along to Holding Out For A Hero (yes, I really do the footloose thing). But when i'm sad/depressed, I like to feel the motions of Rod Stewart and Billy Joel. And then, when I feel my southern roots start kickin in, nothing gets played in my CD player other then Lynyrd Skynyrd.. Or Garth Brooks(on occassion). Fuck it. I'm weird. The end.




Friends In Low Places (Chorus)

'Cause I've got friends in low places

Where the whiskey drowns

And the beer chases my blues away

And I'll be okay

I'm not big on social graces

Think I'll slip on down to the oasis

Oh, I've got friends in low places



The Infamous 3rd Verse

I guess I was wrong

I just don't belong

But then, I've been there before

And everything is alright

I'll just say goodnight

And I'll show myself to the door

I didn't mean to cause a big scene

Just wait 'til I finish this glass

Then sweet little lady

I'll head back to the bar

And you can kiss my ass

Wholf at 9:30 PM

It's 2:40 a.m. at the time of writing this, and I haven't accomplished anything I set out to do at 7:00 p.m. today--er, yesterday. I've been blasting Aerith's Theme for about 3 hours straight, repeating the melody from which I draw my life source. I had a friend download some Final Fantasy sheet music for me (guess which song), and he's working on transferring it from piano to guitar--which isn't doing much good to me since I can't read music (funny how it's just occurring to me how stupid the idea was). Anyway, let's hope we can make the transfer acceptable--lord knows that Beth doesn't sound as good.


Shit I have to go to bed; I have to get up at 4:00. Heh, I doubt that counts for the apropriate ammount of sleep. And staying up like this sure as fuck ain't helpin my "depression", as those psychos at the shrink's office call it. Fuck them up the royal ass. I don't need them to tell me how to live my life.


Anyway, i've been sorting through my emotions lately; trying to make sense of my feelings. She likes someone else. And she doesn't like me, either. She does like me, but it just ain't happenin. And then she doesn't like me, either. Fuck it. What does a dude have to do to get a woman nowadays? Everybody fuckin leads you on, and then decides to fall over some Fabio-wannabe. Same shit every fuckin time. And this time my music ain't helpin any. I can't stand to pick up my guitar (the flashbacks are a fuckin pain in the ass), but any other guitar just doesn't sound as good. Crying over a fuckin guitar. How fuckin pathetic. I can't believe I sunk to this level. Maybe i'll end up like a white Curtis Lowe. Been there before; ain't afraid to go there again.


Good night to all. Godspeed to those of you that need it; you know who you are. Of course, you probably don't. Dontcha just hate it when people say that and you ain't sure if it's you or not? Fuckin a, man, fuckin a.

Wholf at 12:42 AM

Another musical list-type thing. Just a few that relatively(a.k.a. in their own way) describe my emotions at the moment; nothing real special. I'm not really even sure what I feel at the moment, but I still have a F.U. attitude, so I think I might be alright heh.

---

6 Songs That Describe the Way I Feel Right Now

(In no particular order)

• "Toy Soldiers" by Martika
  
• "Layla" by Eric Clapton
  
• "Maggie May" by Rod Stewart
  
• "Blowin' In The Wind" by Bob Dylan
  
• "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" by The Proclaimers
  
• "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" by U2
  

There. Finished. It's almost 2:30 a.m., so i'm going off to bed. Good night people, have a good one.

Wholf at 11:55 PM

Sitting here in the darkness of the living room, I come to realize alot about myself. I learn to sort the lies of the past from the lies of tomorrow, and I learn to sort through the images i've put up, fragments of the truth. And as I lean over to press the repeat button on my old, beatdown excuse for a CD Player, I finally understand the true meaning behind Tears In Heaven. I knew that Clapton did an amazing job on the song, but I could never really comprehend the true meaning and beauty of it. Maybe I know what I should be doing. But maybe I don't.

Wholf at 2:20 PM

I got real pissed off today, like.. REAL EFFIN PISSED. Fuck I hate the cityfolk. Gotta go out of their way to piss me off, and then laugh at me. I put another dent in the wall, and i'm pretty sure mom'll kick my ass (actually, no she won't, she'll just give me a three hour lecture, and i'll feel guilty as shit.. which I am) when she gets home. But long story short, well, mostly.., I did the usual to calm down (and get a little more pissed before I calmed down), the whole music bit. That's right (if anyone I know is actually reading this; cause if you know me, you sure as hell better know what i'm talkin about), I still do the music deal. I bet I look pretty pathetic/insane/whatever you wanna call it. In fact, I know I do, but it works, so I don't mind roughin it.


Anyway, after the 8th song started on my mix CD--which happens to be "Show Me the Way" by Frampton--I got sick. I'm not talkin about the usual under-the-weather puke or anything like that, i'm talkin vomittin like a texan well-digger in Alaska.. But I think we southerns are the only ones that get that joke. It was disgusting, though. Blood and all, nose bleedin too. I don't know what happened, and frankly, i'm not sure I want to know. At first I thought the nosebleeds and puking were part of puberty or whatever, but J told me he hadn't ever had them like that. Damnit, I need a father-figure-type-person. I would call Brian, but yknow, I can't ask for his help on this shit. I don't need to keep asking him for help; he won't always be there to help me. Damnit I wish I was old enough to see my old man, despite the fact that we'd probably pass licks until I got knocked the hell out..


I'm thinking about adopting a dad or somethin, if that's even possible. I should call up the adoption agency and see heh. But yea, definately gotta find someone. I had the brilliant(sense the sarcasm?) idea to talk to Val's old man, but i'm sure that would'a been a mess.. And maybe a little funny:

"Hello, remember me? I'm the dude who had that brief conversation with you about music.. Y'know, Val's friend that you're convinced is about 30? Yea, that's me. How ya been? Yea? I got a few guy problems that I wanted to ask you about. WAIT! DON'T LEAVE!! ..The motherfucker left. I can't believe it, that's the third time today!!" ....XD


Haha I should do it, if only for shits and grins. But yea, I think I should just give it up. Fuck, it's probably just a phase i'm going through or somethin; i'm prolly not getting enough nutrition or something. Oh yea, and those books are cool as hell. I didn't think wine had so many uses.. Hehehee.. I think I wanna go play pool today. I doubt I can, but i'll try--I have a new cue (kinda.. had it for about a year, never even put it together) I wanna use.

Wholf at 9:51 AM

Just one.. fuckin.. picture.. of her legs. I'm sure they're sexy as hell (if that's weird to you, then don't blame me. I can't control my fucked up fetishes).. But that's all I wanted. But my fuckin computer fucked up. Or her's did. Or she blocked me(I wonder why, cuz everyone loves meh). Whatever.. DAMN YOU, YA SEXEH REINDEER LADEH!! ..But anyway, I think i'm going to go read these "sexual education" books.. More like "pleasin yo bitch" books hehe. But they are a good read, and even I learnt some stuff.


Anyway, enough about that.. ON TO THE PLEASING!! Hahahaa..


G'nite all; and Reindeer lady? I'm going to kick your ass if I don't get that pic the next time I see you haha. But you coulda got caught by the folks or somethin; god knows Me and David's been caught in some RIDICULOUS situations with bitches.. And most of em are funny as hell hehe.

Wholf at 10:04 PM